Skip to content 
Introduction
In the first article in the series Heirs Together Of The Grace of Life, I wrote on the power of perception in marriage, and the right perception that believing couples should have of each other—that is, as heirs together of the grace of life. This is based on Apostle Peter’s instruction through the Holy Spirit in 1 Peter 3:7.
What It Means to Be “Heirs Together”
In ancient times, heirs were people who received an inheritance, a blessing, or a title or an office from another person who had held the inheritance, or the blessing, or the title or office. Now, the apostles used that rich word to describe the nature of the people who have trusted in Jesus’s finished cross work. Through the Holy Spirit, they call us heirs of God (Romans 8:16-17; Galatians 3:29; Titus 3:7; Hebrews 1:13-14; James 2:5).
But our inheritance is not earthly riches that get corrupted. They are spiritual—far more precious. Peter mentioned eternal life specifically. But the mind-blowing part of this is when he described husbands and wives as heirs together. It means that in Christ, couples share a joint inheritance of eternal life and all of God’s vast riches and are co-participants in God’s grace. “Heirs together” emphasizes equality in salvation. Both husband and wife are co-equals in God’s grace; one is not superior to the other.
Being “heirs together” highlights three truths about believers:
- Spiritual equality: Men and women stand equal before God, sharing the same spiritual blessings. Women can go before God’s presence, through the name of Jesus, to worship, make petitions, etc., with a guarantee of receiving from God, just as men can.
- Shared inheritance: Eternal life and other spiritual blessings (such as spiritual gifts) are not divided between spouses, with men having larger shares; they are jointly owned.
- Mutual responsibility: Because the inheritance is jointly owned, each partner is given the responsibility to care for, nurture, and support the other person.
A Departure from the Norm!
This redefines how we relate to our spouses—no longer as our ancestors define him or her, but as a fellow Christian. We are both Christians. Our marriage is an expression of our faith. We must stop seeing our marriages as being separate from our Christian life. It is not! Our marriages reveal our salvation and growth! Salvation and spiritual growth are unseen, quiet work of God’s Spirit in us. But the fruits are visible. And, one of the areas where the fruits manifest is our marriage. It is why God set marriage as a qualification for suitability for Christian ministry (1 Timothy 3:2, 4-5; Titus 1:6).
Now, the New Testament is filled with instructions on how believing spouses should behave toward one another. The first that we shall consider is honoring our spouses.
1 Peter 3:7:
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife…”
In human culture, it is the wife who honors the husband. But, in Christianity—a counterculture to the world—believing husbands are also commanded to honor their wives. That is against the norm in our patriarchal society. When a woman honors her husband, it is normal. What is not normal is that a man honors his wife. But the life we have been called into is not a normal life. Our redemption becomes the basis for all our conduct toward each other.
In speaking of honor for each other, three action words are crucial to grasp.
1. Reverence
The means “to regard or treat as heavy. To honor our spouses, we must have the correct view of their worth. How much they weigh in our sight defines how we will treat them. Viewing them through the lens of redemption will help us grasp the weight of our spouses. We will see them from the exalted status that they are in, through Christ (2 Corinthians 5:16).
Seeing our spouses through Christ will move us to honor them. We will see, not a casual person, but God’s precious child. What mighty divine supplies we have been missing because we keep looking at them carnally. To you, she is just the woman you married “with your money”. So, you treat her poorly. But she is a child of God. Precious treasures lie in her, for your benefit. But you have continually shut her down, because of the satanic wisdoms you are living by. You are not being blessed through her.
Contempt is inevitable when a person’s true worth is lost on you. But when you view your spouse through Christ, it will birth honor for them in you. You will treat them as heavy. Your actions and words to them will reflect honor.
2. Preference (Romans 12:10)
It means “to choose over another”. Preference implies availability of options. There will always be other options apart from your spouse —to sleep with someone else or be faithful to him or her, to go hang out with other people or to stay at home with him or her, to spend the money on yourself or on him or her, etc. Now, honoring your spouse is to consider them as more valuable than any other options, and choose them over other options.
Listen! We will always have to prove where our hearts lie—with our- selves or our spouses. We can’t have it both ways. There will alway be opportunity costs. Preference is to consider your spouse as more valu -able than anything else, no matter its glamour, cost, or benefits, that we will gladly let go of it for their sake.
3. Deference
This denotes a disposition to yield to another’s will out of honor. It is having regard for the feeling, wish and opinion of another. This is vital in honor. You cannot claim to honor your spouse and not care about their feeling, wish and opinion, wanting to have your way at all times. That is not true honor (Philippians 2:3-4).
Our opinions won’t always be the same. So, honoring our spouses is to have regard for their views too. Since they are heirs of salvation together with us, they also have the Holy Spirit, and spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12:1-7). So, they can have supernatural insight into issues. They can know what we don’t. We are not the only one with God’s gifts in the marriage. So, we have to be humble to submit to our spouse’s opinions too!
With that word “submit”, I just touched a sensitive issue. Telling you husbands to submit to your wives is like a gross irreverence toward you almighty gods, because traditionally, it is wives who are asked to submit. Then, there is that scripture—Ephesians 5:22, that every man loves to quote, which says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” But the man is also commanded to submit to the wife. Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:15-21:
15 See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 SUBMITTING TO ONE ANOTHER IN THE FEAR OF GOD. [Emphasis added]
This is not primarily about marriage; it’s about believers’ general conduct toward one another. In verses 21, Paul commanded us to submit to one another out of reverence for God. This—reverence for God, is the basis for submission to the brethren. We submit to both rich and poor brethren, showing regard for the feelings, wishes and opinions of other brethren.
Now, since both parties in a Christian marriage are both believers, we are also to submit to one another, out of reverence for God. This instruction preceded the one in verse 22. It is not for nothing. Just as wives are to submit to their husbands, even so husands are to submit to their wives, because of the Lord. Submission is a mutual expression of honor that believers in marriage ought to give to each other.
- Submit your body to your spouse.
- Submit your finance to your spouse. You two have become one flesh. What one has, the other owns.
- Submit your plans to your spouse for their assessment, sugges- tions and recommendations, and counsel.
- You show regard for one another’s feelings, needs, interests, opinions, etc.
- Don’t always insist on having your way. Yield more.
Conclusion
Christian marriage is a partnership built on the truth of our redemption as believing husbands and wives. Our marriage is a vital expression of our Christian faith and life. Therefore, it should reflect God’s love—rooted in honor, strengthened by grace, and focused on the eternal inheritance that we share together in Christ. We must strive to build a union that is Christ-centered and that glorifies God and blesses generations. Honoring each other is a critical key to achieving this.
