Forgive and Forget? 6 Practical Ways To Walk In Forgiveness

“Forgive and forget” is a phrase we often hear people use when talking about moving on from hurt. But is this really what the Bible teaches about forgiveness? As Christians, we are not in confusion as to the centrality of forgiveness to our faith. But what many believers struggle with is what it truly means—how we are to go about it. Are we supposed to forgive and forget—to totally erase the wrongs done to us from our memory? Or is biblical forgiveness deeper than the saying suggests?

In this article, I want to explore the subject of “forgive and forget”—what God’s Word really says about forgiveness, whether forgetting is required, and how to walk in true freedom through Christ.

You should also read: WHEN BROTHERS OFFEND ONE ANOTHER: BIBLICAL WISDOM FOR RECONCILIATION

Forgive and Forget: What Forgiveness Really Means in the Bible

An Act of Grace

The Bible teaches that forgiveness is an act of grace—an action showing kindness, mercy, or favor, especially one which is unearned or undeserved. The Bible’s concept of grace has roots in God Himself. God is full of grace. Psalm 145:8 says, “The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in mercy.” And the Apostle John says, in John 1:14:

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, FULL OF GRACE and truth.” [Emphasis added]

God’s greatest demonstration of grace to us was saving us, forgiving us of our sins, and bringing us into union with Him—which is totally undeserved. Ephesians 2:8 says, “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” [NLT]

God’s own acts of grace shown to us now are the basis for which we are to show acts of grace to people. We are to forgive others just as God has forgiven us. God’s word says in Ephesians 4:23, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” [NLT]? Sometimes, we struggle with forgiving. We say, “But he doesn’t deserve it.” And we may be right. But that is exactly the point of forgiveness; it is an act of grace—undeserving!

A Choice

Forgiving people is a conscious decision of the will, not a feeling—a choice to release someone from the debt of wrongs they owe you. In Matthew 6:12, the Lord teaches us to pray, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the hurt never happened, but it does mean choosing not to hold it against those who hurt us.

Does Forgiveness Mean Forgetting?

Here is where many Christians get confused. But it doesn’t have to be confusing. The Bible never commands us to literally “forget” the wrongs done to us in the sense of erasing memory. The human memory is very strong. It is hard, if not absolutely impossible, to totally forget wrongs done to us—especially where such wrongs have a far-reaching impact on us. How can a parent whose only child is murdered by an armed robber forget that ever happened? 

Forgiveness, as God models it, is choosing not to use wrong done to us against the wrongdoer. God saying He will remember our sins and lawless deeds no more (Hebrews 8:12) does not suggest amnesia—memory loss—but a deliberate decision not to bring it up again. So, though we still remember what was done to us—and it still hurts—still we choose not to treat the offender badly or ever bring it up in our conversation with them or others, or withhold what can benefit them, which is within our power to do. 

For us, “forgetting” in practice means we stop rehearsing the pain, holding grudges, and using the offence as a weapon. One scripture that speaks to this issue deeply is Paul’s letter to Philemon concerning his runaway slave, Onesimus. See verses 10–16:

10 I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten while in my chains,

11 who once was unprofitable to you but now is profitable to you and to me.

12. I am sending him back. You therefore receive him, that is, my own heart,

13 whom I wished to keep with me, that on your behalf he might minister to me in my chains for the gospel.

14. But without your consent, I wanted to do nothing, that your good deed might not be by compulsion, as it were, but voluntary.

15 For perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever,

16 no longer as a slave but more than a slave—a beloved brother, especially to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

Forgiveness doesn’t erase history. it transforms how we handle it.

Why Forgiveness Matters for Christians

Forgiveness is not optional for believers. Jesus’s teachings made this clear. Matthew 6:14–15 teaches that if we refuse to forgive others, we cannot expect God’s forgiveness. Forgiveness matters for believers in Christ because:

• We ourselves were forgiven by God through Christ (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:12-13).
• It is a command of our Lord. 
• It is consistent with our nature of love in Christ (Romans 8:9). 
• It keeps the spring of our born-again spirit fresh (Ephesians 4:31; Hebrews 12:14-15). 

Walking in offence is like a prison. Forgiveness is the key that sets us free.

How to Walk in True Forgiveness

Here are some guidelines for walking in forgiveness.

1. Always remember God’s mercy toward you. When we keep in remembrance how we ourselves have been forgiven by God, it will humble us and enable us to show grace to those who need it.

Colossians 3:12-13:

12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

2. Pray for strength. Forgiveness isn’t natural—it’s supernatural. So, ask God for the strength to forgive. Pray also that your hurt will be healed. 

3. Release the offender truly, from your heart. First of all, tell it to God that you are releasing the offender from your heart. Then, if you can reach the offender, tell them also.

4. Speak humbly and in love. Where it is necessary to confront the offender, let love and humility coat your words. The goal is healing and reconciliation, not proving who is wrong.

5. Stop rehearsing the pain. Every now and then, memories of the offence will seep into your mind. When they do, remind yourself that you have already forgiven.

6.When possible, seek restoration. Where possible, seek restoration of relationships, though boundaries may still be necessary.

Finally, the Bible doesn’t teach us to literally erase the memory of wrongs. Instead, it calls us to forgive like Christ—choosing not to hold wrong against others, even if we still remember the hurt.

Forgiveness is an act of grace, a step of obedience, and a reflection of God’s mercy. When you forgive, you’re not just setting the other person free—you’re setting yourself free too.

If this article has blessed you, I want to encourage you not to keep these truths to yourself. There are many out there who also need to know this—many people who have been trapped in unforgiveness, or who truly want to forgive but are confused as to how to go about it. Therefore, share this article to be a blessing to others.

You can also drop your thoughts in the comments section. And, if you have been finding it to let go of certain hurts, and you will like me to agree with you in prayer, please drop it below in the comments section. God bless you.

Additional Resources to Help You:

• Desiring God – We Cannot Cling to Bitterness and God.

• TGC – Resources on Forgiving Others.

• knowingjesusministries.co – The Starting Point of Forgiving Others.